The Joys of Journaling

Journals and creativity

I have a confession to make. I have not kept a journal since my mid-teens, and that grubby old notebook was abandoned after a few months when I realised that it was full of nothing more than the bleating of an angst-ridden adolescent with little to say beyond the ghastly state of her skin, the ghastly burden of homework and the ghastly thought of exercising in daylight in order to shed the extra pounds she always carried around her hips. Not very 'writerly', perhaps, but that was just me.

But, having pondered on finding ways to re-ignite my creative mojo, and feeling a sense of the enormity of the times - the COVID-19 pandemic, the lockdown, the impending economic disaster - I thought I might revisit the idea of keeping a journal. Except this time, I want to make it rather more interesting to write than my early attempts, and, with any luck, I might be able to refer to it in future for writing ideas.

Starting to keep a journal

The first step, this week, then, was to make sure I freed up a specific slot in my day for making journal entries. I chose that quiet time between supper and going to bed, just after I've returned from walking the dog. I figured it's when I would be most relaxed and my mind ready to spill out some thinking. And I decided that if I did not make entries daily, that would not matter. If journaling starts to feel like a burden, it will be dumped as readily as I dump many an attempt at dieting.

The next (and pretty enjoyable) step was to choose from among my many blank notebooks (I am a sucker for buying  notebooks. And I'm not a notebook snob - I have plenty of cheap notebooks from places like The Works in UK and Morrison here in Gib gathering dust among a couple of Moleskin). Ditto with the pen. If I was going to release that creative demon, then the weapon had to be just right. And I am also a sucker for buying pens - from felt tips to fountain pens. I settled for an A5 from Morrison in a bright, summery orange and a black biro from The Beacon Press. As cheap as chips. Cheaper, if you try to buy chips at Ocean Village.

And finally, I was ready to write.

But what about? Stumped again, I turned to the internet, and after procrastinating half the afternoon on social media, I googled the word 'journaling'. There is so much out there, the information is bewildering. I sifted through some, avoiding the ones about journaling to improve my life, and journaling being about self care and self discovery, or about stress management or career enhancement, and managed to muster together some ideas.

I guess journaling can be as simple as recording what you've done every day, or things that have impressed you recently, or carved themselves into your mind. You could journal about someone that caught your eye, or a place that left an impression. You can journal about feelings. You can just free write for the day, and that can be quite liberating and lead to some interesting morsels of writing you can use in a more structured piece.

Themes for your journal

I thought I might journal on a theme. I have to be careful though. My intention for writing a journal is to gather some thoughts and ideas, and to free up my writing. That is why I want to journal with a biro. I need the physical act of writing to tap into my creativity. Typing feels too much like being at work to me.

So what theme? Should I write about food, travel, current affairs, health, travel, money, a personal journey into spiritual discovery (no), the weather, the environment, a personal journey from fat and unfit to slimmer, trimmer and fitter (not likely, doomed to failure from the outset!). Should I make it a memoir? Now, that was an interesting thought.

I am not preparing to write a memoir nor an autobiography, but there are many stories stashed away in our memories. Not that we necessarily need to recount them as true to life stories, but sometimes they can inspire interesting pieces of fiction, or poetry. And as those memories are gathered, they become the story of my life, the lives of my children and grandchildren. I wish my mother would write her memories so that they can shed light on my childhood, and I wish my grandparents had the chance to write theirs.

So I think this might be the path I go down. Let's see how far I get and whether I commit to it for any length of time. In the meantime, I dug out an old story I wrote based on a childhood memory. In '71, my family undertook the tricky journey from Gibraltar to Madrid in the early days of the closed border. Madrid was far different then than it is now, but for a seven-year old from Gibraltar who had never before got off the Rock, it was a vast and wonderful city: department stores, trams, the metro, boating lake, kiosks selling ice cream and 'granizado de limon'. And cows. There was a small byre at the bottom of the road where my aunt lived, with a few cows. I had never before seen a cow (nor smelt one!), nor watched one being milked. And here it was going on in a little backwater in one of the world's capital cities.

The memory was vivid and the story came easily. Maybe with the journaling, others will follow. The story, Spilt Milk, is on the Pages section of this blog, for your enjoyment.

Locked down and blocked up

Writer's Block during lockdown

While social media is bubbling with samples of creativity and productivity during lockdown, many other creatives are wondering why they feel 'blocked'. Periods of solitude are often essential for focus, for losing yourself in your creative zone and coming up with your own personal masterpiece, in whatever medium you happen to prefer. Theoretically, having to stay off work and stay home for a prolonged period should give many of us the time and space we have been craving for. Writer's block is a well-documented phenomenon - whether you agree it exists or is just a temporary frame of mind - but perhaps it feels a bit bizarre that it should happen now, when we all seem to have more time and space to be the writers we want to be.

Puzzled as to why I personally was struggling with my own lack of wit or energy to apply to my own writing, I called a couple of friends to see how they were getting on. Here's what they told me:

June

June is in her late middle age and a semi-retired business consultant with a small portfolio of loyal clients that keep her linked to her profession while giving her the time to also write professionally. She is an author of school text books, and her enthusiasm for quality writing being key to communicating information effectively knows no bounds despite the dryness of some of the subject matter (maths, stats and economics).

Me: June, how's it going? How are you finding lockdown is affecting your writing?

June: Hello, dear, nice to hear from you. All well at my end, and busy, busy busy.

Me: So much for people have loads of time to be creative! Are you managing to write?

June: Of course I am. In fact, I'm making great progress with my latest project, and I'm planning out another. And I'm thinking of co-writing a book on the economic impact of the pandemic and the future of small businesses.

Me: I'm impressed, but how do you manage to keep motivated.

June: Good planning and good organisation. You know I like my routine, so  haven't changed it at all except allow more time to go to the supermarket and queue, and then take the shopping round to my neighbour who is in her seventies and can't go herself. I get up at the same time, go to the garden and do my Tai Chi (Note - June used to go to the local park with friends to do this but lockdown rules means she follows the routine at home instead). Then I do any client work that needs to be done - I've just started using Zoom, it's marvellous! - by which time its usually a stop for lunch. Then a call around the kids to make sure they're ok, a bit of housework and by three pm I'm back on the computer and writing. In fact, I'd say the routine works really well, because I'm writing better and faster than before. Perhaps it's a sense of being determined to get the project finished before the bloody virus gets me!

Me: Doesn't Neville (June's other half) interrupt you?

June: He's too busy painting the back room. We're hoping that when all this is over that Julian (youngest son) will come and live here. He's not at all happy alone so far away since he and Imogen split up.

Me: I guess the peace and quiet is helping you stay inspired and creative. No writer's block then.

June (laughs): Oh well, you know I think writer's block is a myth. You might think you've got no inspiration, but inspiration itself is a myth. The best inspiration is an unmovable deadline and the vision of the invoice you're going to send your client or the cheque your publisher has promised you. All you have to do is knuckle down and put words on paper. Once you start forcing the pen, the brain follows, grudging or otherwise. And I don't listen to the news until suppertime when I'm done writing for the day. By the next morning, the bleakness of what is happening has thinned somewhat!

Shefali

Shefali is in her thirties, single and a vet working in a small animal clinic. She has continued working during the pandemic, because pets continue to get sick and need treatment, coronavirus or not, although the clinic is providing emergency treatment only and she is working from home several days a week. Shefali is always inspired by the animals she encounters daily and by their owners, and enjoys writing stories for children.

Me: Hiya Shefali, how are things with you?

Shefali: All good, thank you,  pretty busy as usual. I'm working from home quite a bit, doing call outs as and when I have to but generally managing to give advice to owners over the phone and offer prescriptions etc. I've been going into the clinic either mornings or evenings and keeping the admin under control. It is a lot quieter than usual though. It's a bit weird, to be honest.

Me: Are you still managing to write?

Shefali: Well, funny you should ask but I'm really struggling. I started a new story at the beginning of the year; remember I said that I was going to try my hand at YA fiction? But I just can't settle down to write. 

Me: Why do you think that is?

Shefali: I don't know at all. I do have a bit more time on my hands, and you see on Facebook and on TV all these people learning new skills and performing music, and all I can do is lounge about in my PJs eating chocolate! Seriously, when this is over I'm going to have to get back to horse riding and work it all off! But as for the writing, I don't know. When I'm at work, I am focused, caring, I know exactly what I'm doing, but I find that in my spare time I feel tired, I don't want to think much and when I try to think about the story, or characters, or plot, I feel confused, a bit lost really.

Me: Writer's block then?

Shefali: I guess it is. Or maybe just a way for my anxiety to manifest. I feel perfectly fine most of the time, but I am finding it hard to be away from family. I speak to them every day on Skype and WhatsApp - in fact, I've spoken more to my aunties in India in these past few weeks than I had in months - but when I try to work out what I want to do in my free time, I'm at a loss. So, other than jotting down some research notes for the story, I have not got very far. But I am reading.

Me: Does reading help?

Shefali: Reading is so relaxing. I'm hoping it will eventually unlock my creativity again, and get me writing. I've just started Hilary Mantel's "Wolf Hall". I got the whole trilogy now that "The Mirror and the Light" is out so I'm giving it a go during lockdown. And I've set myself a target to have all the character summaries for my story completed by next weekend. Perhaps if I get all that going, I will get my mojo back! (And I hope she does because her stories are great!).

Colin

Colin writes poetry. He's a teacher in a comprehensive school and has been working incredibly long hours helping his students through this difficult time of uncertainty.

Me: Colin, how are you and the family?

Colin: Hey, good to hear from you. We're all well, and the kids have taken to lockdown surprisingly well, which Maggie is delighted about because I am working mainly from home and we were worried that I would not be able to concentrate with all of us in the house together. But so far so good.

Me: I guess with delivering lessons online and assessments and grading the A-levels, you haven't had time to write?

Colin: You've got it in one. Well, I have drafted a couple of poems, but these are literally in pencil on the back of a scrap of paper I was doodling  on during a Zoom meeting with the heads of department (I probably shouldn't admit to that!).

Me: Interesting, so where did the inspiration come from for those poems? The pandemic?

Colin: Not really. Not about people getting sick or the heroism of medical and care workers. I was thinking about the disengaged kids, and that the risk of them falling away from engagement with society is so much higher  now. The kids whose home lives are not supportive of education, who have so many disadvantages to overcome anyway, and now this. Or the kids who are vulnerable and at risk, and of course, we're not really seeing them now so we can't help them if help is needed. That's what's keeping me awake at night far more than A level results, and that's what came out in the poems. But don't misunderstand me - they need a lot of polishing up before I can really call that gathering of words actual poems!

Me: But at least you have been creative...

Colin: At the end of the day,  it doesn't matter whether as a writer you can be productive during lockdown. What matters is that we get through it. And perhaps one day, we can refer back to this experience for inspiration in our poetry or whatever it is we write. No-one has to do anything during this time. We are all different and we are all trying to survive. 

Quite an interesting mix of thoughts. Perhaps writer's block is a figment of the imagination, an excuse for not knuckling down. Perhaps it is that we cannot always be creative when we are anxious, or overworked, or tired. Or perhaps we just need to relax and let our minds mull. Shakespeare might have written "King Lear" during his version of lockdown, but none of us is called upon to be Shakespeare and right now, being ourselves is perhaps the best we can be. So my lesson? If I can't concentrate on writing, go and do something else. Like Shefali, I'll get my mojo back eventually! And like Colin, a scrap of paper with a selection of words is a start. I'd love to be half as organised as June though!

Write your way through lockdown

Writing your way through lockdown

One of the many, many positives about writing is that it keeps your mind busy and it diverts your focus for a while from the worries and stresses of the current crisis. At least you can let your mind travel to other times and places and it helps you to create, so you have the added satisfaction of having produced something, despite the conditions.

Short Stories, Tall Tales

I recently collaborated with the teams at Gibraltar Cultural Services, other artists and local teachers to present a set of  creative writing workshops to teenage students as part of the Gibraltar Youth Arts Jamboree. 

The aim of the workshops was to give youngsters some ideas, guidance and tips to get off the ground and to keep going strong with writing short stories, and I used a slide presentation on PowerPoint to structure the workshops.

So, for all those who might want to write their way through staying at home, self-isolation, and in particular if we end up in lockdown during this difficult period, I am providing the PowerPoint below. Perhaps if you are thinking of spending a bit of time each day recording your thoughts and feelings during this time, and want to do so creatively, this will give you an impetus, or some ideas:

Short Stories, Tall Tales by Jackie Anderson

One of the hardest things is starting, said one of the students during one of the workshops. And I agree. Sometimes ideas are flooding through your mind - usually when you're too busy to stop and write them down. And then, when you have booted up the computer, or sharpened your pencil and opened up your crisp, new notebook, your mind goes blank, devoid of words let alone inspiration.

And yet we are living through a time of turmoil. So my advice to anyone wanting to use writing as a creative way of getting through the coming weeks, or as a distraction from the difficulties and the feelings of powerlessness and sadness, is to use those emotions. Make your feelings the starting point for thinking.

Using Feelings for Inspiration

Take anger, for example. Many people are expressing anger - at being forced to stay indoors, at the disruption to their lives, at the virus for the death and suffering, at governments for what are thought to be inadequate reactions, at those who hoarded the loo roll and free range eggs, at life, the universe, fate, God and everything.

Anger is a destructive emotion, we are often told, it is negative and can harm your mental health if you hold on to it. But for a writer, anger is another emotion, a powerful one, that can inspire, influence and inform your writing. Harness its energy, convert it through your words into something constructive and dismiss its destructive power. Writing releases the anger. By the time you've finished a session of writing with anger as a theme, you'll feel infinitely less angry. Maybe it's the physical act of writing it down that disperses that urge to break things. Maybe it's the fact that wondering whether to use a comma or a semi-colon simply diffuses the feeling.

Tips

So for some ideas on using anger - or any other feeling that seems to be dominating your life at the moment - to inspire your writing, try these:

• If you are going to write a journal of your experiences of the Coronovirus pandemic, add an emotional element to your writing. Write about the things that make you feel angry; write why; describe the feeling, how it makes you react physically; describe in detail those things that really have got your goat.
• Write a newspaper report on something you observe while looking at of the window - describe the situation, an event you notice, something you've spotted on TV, or even something completely imaginary. Writing in they style of a reporter is another way of exercising your writing  muscle, of working in perhaps a different style that stretches your technical abilities in writing.
• Create a character who is angry, who shares some of those feelings with you. If you haven't got as far as a story plot yet, don't worry, just get some words down on paper by describing the character in detail: the physical appearance, their likes and dislikes, their back story and why they are angry and the way the anger makes their bodies and their minds react.
• Write a list of comparatives, similes and metaphors for anger. Go to that Thesaurus gathering dust on your shelf or go online. You can then refer back to that list when you are writing another piece of work.
• Write about the situation that is making you angry. Write as if you were talking to a friend about it. Let the words pour out onto the paper. This will help you work with words, to find your own 'voice' - which basically means that you are developing your own unique way of expressing yourself.
• If you have a story in mind already, don't forget anger as an emotion even your hero is allowed to feel. Anger is a healthy, normal response to situations. Feeling anger is okay. It's how you show it that is either appropriate or not. So in your story, think about how your characters express their anger and why, and write down passages that you can then use to enrich your story.

And by the time you've had a go at one or two of those ideas, you'll feel a whole lot better, you'll have entries in your journal or blog or notebook and you won't feel so angry!

Remember, in writing, nothing is ever wasted. In future, these snippets or journal entries or draft stories and poems that you write may become the basis for an award-winning film script or novel or social history of your time. So let's get writing!

Share

Share some of your writing online  - if you'd like to share some of the work you are producing during this period of social distancing and isolation, then please contact me and I will publish your work as a guest contributor to this blog!

If you would like any direct discussion, tips or support with your writing project during this time, comment below or email me: jackiegirl@hotmail.co.uk. 

Do you plan before you write - or just write?

Always a subject of debate among writers: do you plan out your work first? Do you lay out a structure so you have a road map, a route to your destination? Or are you more impulsive, let your fingers move over the keyboard and let them take your story to wherever it is meant to go?

I find a bit of planning helps me out. If nothing else, since I tend to write in short spurts as and when I get time to and in a race before deadlines, just to jot down a few bullet points at the start of a piece helps me to focus my thoughts. It helps to outline the angle of entry, the pathway through the theme, the sequence of events and drives me towards the conclusion, which, if all goes well, is a natural summing up of what went before in non-fiction and a tying of loose ends, a resolution, in fiction.

The extent of planning is influenced in part by how complex the piece you are trying to produce. A thoroughly researched piece of political history, a detailed biography of a famous figure, a complex crime thriller are each likely to need a thorough road map much more than a short story with a small cast of characters and a single theme plot. Then again, preferring to plan or not plan, and the extent of details in your plans can be influenced just as much by your personality as by the requirements of what you are trying to write.

I am, in collaboration with another writer, very slowly working my way through a non-fiction book. We began our work with some basic reading around the subject and then discussed an outline of what we wanted the book to be about. From this, we put together a basic plan. This has been reviewed a number of times, reworked and refocused as the research threw up information that we wanted to integrate, and identified irrelevant details that we decided to throw out. As we write, the plan is modified, but essentially it has helped us to focus and to organise what is a vast amount of information that we could have got lost in for years without ever typing a word.

For me, this approach works quite well with non-fiction. Even when I write short articles for magazines, a very basic plan helps me to organise my thinking. 

It works quite well with creative writing too. I remember from decades ago, our English teacher recommending writing a rough plan in pencil at the start of each of our answers before taking the plunge. It's the writing equivalent of warm up exercises before a rugby match to make sure you get the best performance from your muscles: in a writer's case, the mind muscle. What I found used to help the most, was a kind of release of creativity that seems to come when you force your thoughts down the nib of a pencil (you can do it electronically, but pencil works best for me). 

A rough plan doesn't restrict your work, it just helps to shape it. Many a time I've planned out a story to find that as I write, characters suddenly seem to take a life of their own, carve out their own path. Sometimes, it feels that I am writing what they are doing, rather than orchestrating their actions from my writing. It's a weird mental space that writers inhabit!

Which is where non-planning and writing on the wing comes in. Once the creative flow starts, writing seems to happen through you rather than by you. It's as if once you have found the "real" story - that mystical story that exists in the Platonic world of ideas rather then springing from the grey matter between your ears, that story that was just lurking in the ether waiting to be caught and fastened to paper (or translated into digital form) - the story simply materialises. So, I might be sounding a bit metaphysical here, but that's how it feels. 

What actually happens is that by writing freely, with only a vague suggestion about what you want to write, you release the creativity in your brain and it will create the story as you go along. It's quite a liberating way to write, a little exciting, and even a touch disturbing if you are one of those writers who likes complete control over their work.

Whether you plan your work first or not, whether you follow your plan or let yourself get carried along by the power of the story, all writing needs to be revised and polished so that it makes some kind of sense to the reader. Stories without meaning are not stories at all, just a collection of phrases. But revision is a whole other ball game. I'm off to plan a story in the hope I'll actually write one worth submitting to a competition or for publication somewhere. For what is the point of writing if no-one is going to be able to read and understand your work?

One Word at a Time

It is never quite the right time to write is it? Or so it seems to me. Priority has always been given to duty and writing for me is such a loved pastime that in my mind it is an indulgence. And, raised in a strict Catholic tradition which screams fire and brimstone at anything that might appear to be pleasurable, I always have had to relegate writing time to the back end of all my duties. How can you write when there's always so much to do: laundry, dinner, shopping, cleaning...oh, and earning a living while you find someone who will pay for your writing?

This isn't a picture of me, but when all six were at home and there were eight of us, I wish I could have hung washing from each window as well as the lines in the garden and every radiator indoors! Laundry, laundry everywhere and not a stitch to wear!

As a working parent, there were always many more duties than time for indulgences. With six kids to raise, and periods of running my own businesses, there was rarely time to sleep, let alone write. And of course, if you don't sleep, your writing is generally poor because your brain pretty much babbles. You see, it's not "baby brain" - that is just a construct from a paternalistic society that convinces women and the men around them that pregnancy and motherhood somehow affects your ability to be rational, clever, quick-witted, problem-solving, creative, professional and all those things that make you worth employing and successful and worth paying as much as the next man (yes, deliberate use of a traditional male-centred vocabulary). The problem for a writer with being a parent is lack of sleep and how that affects your brain. (I'm going to make interruptions a theme of a later post).

So, six kids later I'm pretty used to thinking in a state of brain fog. And looking back on some of my early attempts at poems and stories, even feature articles, these clearly show that I was knackered. Like this:

Dunfanaghy and beyond

That crumbling cottage by the lough was once a home,

A shelter from the winds that lash the hills.

It had a roof of black thatch, once,

And small windows that caught a little sunshine

To brighten the daily gloom.

The doorway is low

And must have encouraged

A suitably obsequious stoop from the farmer.

No, not farmer.

Peasant, perhaps, or chastened warrior

Driven to the edge of survival by the conquistadors

That came in droves to raid and plunder,

And rape

The very bowels of the earth they trod.

The stones, now worn and tumbling,

Grey as the mist that shaped them,

Still carry the brown scent of the turf fire,

And scattered in the single, ragged room,

Abandoned remnants of rural toil:

Iron cooking pots hurled in a hurry aside,

A spade and a poker dropped in the corner

These last hundred years and more.

Banked to the side,

Leaning, like a child against his mother’s time-worn skirts,

A byre,

Still sweating the stench of huddled cattle,

Sheltering from the leeward lunge of ocean gales.

It was once a home, filled with warmth,

And singing children, smiles amid the toil.

But hunger curbed their joy.

Famine destroyed them all,

And death spread his insidious net

Over barren hills and sterile glens.

Just a little heap of stones,

Staring silent to empty space.

Just a grim and lingering grave.

That effort emerged from a snapped half of an HB pencil, chewed at the snapped end, and scribbled onto a tourist guide pamphlet in the mid-90s during a drive through Donegal. Three kids, full time job, just finished a part-time university degree and wondering if I could cut it as a poet. Awkward phrases, lack of rhythm...but not entirely wasted. I salvaged one or two bits and inserted into other poems and it was good practise at using an observation to develop an idea and write about it.

A published novelist told me last year how she managed to start to publish her work, despite having to raise six kids of her own. "It was difficult. The first ten years were really hard, writing in bits in between doing everything else. But it all boils down to persistence. Every sentence you write means you get better, no writing is ever wasted." It took her over ten years to write a novel good enough to publish. She now has half a dozen to her name and her books can be found on book shop shelves all over the country. Others I have spoken to - few with six kids, though! - were a bit more fortunate: partners who worked while they parented, au pairs and nannies, parents who paid their rent for them...I shan't go into my views on class, money and the opportunity to be a creative, it would become a political rant.

So, all that aside, I keep going, bit by bit, sentence by sentence. Yes, there have been four or five, or more perhaps, stabs at novels. Stories sent off to publishers never to be seen again (oh, the cruelty of the silent rejection!). Dunfanaghy and beyond has not seen the light of day for over twenty years till today. It was all part of the dud notes of practising. I think my writing got better. Use of language, playing with words all improve with practise. Just as a pianist can only learn a symphony one bar at a time, a writer can only finish their piece one word at a time. And sometimes, short pieces can work well. Like this one, which got a "highly commended in a small competition once about eight or nine years ago:

Winter morning.

Morning air so cold

it slices through your skin

and peels back the last of night- time sleep

from eyes that sting in thin 

winter light so bright

it glints rose gold

from silver leaves.

Each step a snap,

 a crack, a sharp shot,

each breath a shard of icy mint

that lingers on your tongue,

then leaves the scent

of musk, of earth,

of naked trees,

of frozen dew

…of death.

I still have a teenager at home, and all the worrying and thinking about my kids, even those in their twenties and thirties who have kids of their own, and I still am a really poor sleeper. But I have kept going, with long gaps, lots of frustrations, lots of interruptions and loss of "the flow" and I finally feel I can say "I am a published writer". And I am paid for some of my writing. I still need to fulfil my ambition of publishing fiction, a novel perhaps, or another slim volume of poetry. But every word, every sentence, is a step closer.